


The I-DLE Identity

by SpaceShaolin



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:00:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22315960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceShaolin/pseuds/SpaceShaolin
Summary: (Spy AU) Between screaming rivals, the annoying intern, and near-death situations, the exciting world of secret agents is something Miyeon would very much like to exclude herself from right now, thank you very much.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	1. Your Miyeon, Should You Choose to Accept It

The biggest trouble with being a top-class undercover agent, Miyeon thought, was the entire going undercover aspect of it. Which, to be fair, went against everything she was told about the job, but Miyeon still thought it unfair and a huge shame that her spectacular looks and talents would be exposed to only a select few.

Especially if, among that select few, was Minnie, rival agent and overall thorn in Miyeon’s side.

“Oh my god,” Miyeon sighed, exasperated and done with the world. “Stop screaming.”

Minnie continued to scream. “You’ll never catch me alive, Miyeon!”

“Um, I kind of just did,” Miyeon told her, shaking Minnie’s handcuffed wrists as proof. “Stop squirming already. Trust me, this is more painful for me than it is for you.”

“How?!” Minnie demanded. “I will have your _hair_ for this, just you wait! I’ll have you done in for prisoner abuse. I have rights! And stop dragging me like that, I already know where we’re going!”

Miyeon stopped in front of a specialized jail cell and gave Minnie a long-suffering look before throwing her inside. “At least try to stay in for a few hours before busting out?” she tried.

“Screw you, Miyeon!”

 _God,_ was Minnie loud.

Miyeon sighed again.

For the past few months, she’d caught nobody else but the same, singular Minnie. Minnie – another secret agent who would have been just as top-notch as her, if it weren’t for Minnie’s banshee-like screams and powerful set of lungs. Of course, no secret agent on top-secret missions had ever survived by being so loud, but Minnie was practically a walking anomaly. One could argue that you could say the same things about Miyeon also, but Miyeon prided herself in the fact that she was only slightly less annoying than her rival.

This made it her seventh Minnie-related mission in just two months and already, Miyeon had found herself at a crossroads.

Besides the fact that she’d have to run after Minnie so much and so often that she could qualify as the dimwit’s babysitter, Miyeon found that there was one other thing she was growing to hate about her job. She could stand the near-death encounters. She could handle the ultra-dangerous missions that, for some reason, kept getting assigned to her. She could tolerate her agency’s unwillingness to give her a raise despite it all, and she could stomach working with her co-workers. But the simple unfortunate fact about being a top-class undercover agent was this: Miyeon enjoyed no vacations. 

It apparently didn’t matter that she’d worked her tail off, continuously, to catch the same girl over and over again. It didn’t matter that she felt her good looks were starting to take the brunt of the Minnie-sized stress she faced on a near-daily basis. Vacations were absolutely a no-go and Miyeon didn’t care that this was also the case for nearly everybody else at headquarters. Secret agents, it turned out, did not take vacations. They only took prolonged breaks, which could be interrupted at any time, depending on whatever mood struck Minnie that day.

Miyeon gave the side of the cell a spirited kick before leaving Minnie to her devices. She expected to be called again later that day to bring her back in. But Miyeon decided that if the call came in way after she’d already clocked out, then there was no way on the planet she would come back to render such unreasonable overtime.

So lost had Miyeon been in her thoughts, she didn’t realize that her feet had taken her all the way to Yuqi’s laboratory. Yuqi, their resident tech expert, was always holed up in her laboratory, if she wasn’t otherwise attending to their boss’ every whim and fancy. Nobody really knew what she did down there, but she always delivered the fanciest gadgets when they asked for them, so nobody really complained.

“Why haven’t we invested in infared security lasers yet?” Miyeon complained as soon as she stepped inside the lab.

“I keep telling you, we don’t have the budget for it,” Yuqi replied immediately, not looking up from her computer.

“What are you talking about, we have tons of budget.”

“Correction: we have tons of budget until you spend most of it on expensive dresses and suits.”

“I need those for my job!”

“Well, okay, so stop asking me to invest in infared security lasers.”

“Don’t we need those things to keep people like Minnie in?”

“Do I look like the Finance Department to you?” Yuqi finally wheeled around to face Miyeon properly. “Why are you complaining to me anyway? I’m only the tech guy!”

Miyeon rolled her eyes. “Because you have a direct line to our boss and everything, _duh._ ” When the message still hadn’t clicked in Yuqi’s brain, Miyeon added, “Soyeon listens to everything you say, you know this.”

Yuqi frowned. “No, she doesn’t,” she said. “Like, she asked me just this morning if I thought she was working too hard and I said, yeah, _duh,_ have you seen how big your eyebags have gotten, you hag? But where’d she go afterwards? Right back to work, that’s where.”

Miyeon raised a hand so that she could continue to drive her point home, but ugly blaring sounds pierced the air before she could even get a word out. 

“Oh, look, the alarm’s gone off again,” Yuqi said, somehow able to speak above the din. “Looks like it’s for you. Your Minnie’s gone off already.”

Miyeon held back a snarl, but she was already on her way out the laboratory. “I _told_ her to wait for 24 more hours before doing this…”

And off she was to work, again.

Hours later, Miyeon was back at headquarters, with a stewing Minnie in tow. She’d been successful in detaining her rival again, like clockwork, and Miyeon was just about ready to hand in her resignation letter.

“Do you know what the hardest part of my job is?” she asked, not really expecting any answer from her captive. “It’s not the death threats I get every day, or the loneliness out there, on the field. If you’re exposed to those things long enough, then you’ll get used to them, no sweat.”

“Look, can you just shut up and take me to jail already?” Minnie said, having given up trying to escape hours ago.

Miyeon shook her head dramatically, not hearing the complaint. “No,” she said. “The hardest, hardest part is that I don’t get to go on vacation.”

“What are you talking about?” Minnie looked up. “You get to go to exotic places all the time.”

Miyeon sighed wistfully. “Yeah, sure. But it’d help if I didn’t have to blow up all those beaches and mountains, you know?” She looked down at her unwilling audience. “What do you say, Minnie? You’re just as active as I am, you know how this feels.”

Minnie snorted. “Hey, don’t look at me. I have the right to remain silent.”

“Don’t give me that, I’m not the police.”

“The hell you aren’t. Any chance you could let me go, then?”

Miyeon kicked her ribs.

“Miyeon!”

She looked up and tried to look happy about the arrival of her reinforcements. “About time!” she said. “I thought you’d never come. Minnie’s been talking my ear off for the past half hour, I don’t know how I put up with this every time.”

“What?” Minnie yelled, affronted. “Yuqi, don’t you believe a thing this moron is saying. I’m not the one talking about retirement here!”

“Retirement?” Yuqi looked at Miyeon. “What’s she talking about? You want to retire already? You’re only twenty-three.”

“ _Vacation,_ you morons, I was talking about a vacation. See, Minnie, that’s your problem, you talk and talk so much, you don’t listen enough to people.” Miyeon sniffed. “See if I talk to you about my life problems again.”

“Oh, thank _god,_ ” Minnie said, allowing Yuqi to hold her up. “I thought you’d never stop whining and moaning about your stupid concerns.”

Miyeon leaned closer and gave Minnie’s cheeks a little pat. “Baby, I think we ought to take a break,” she said. Then, she blinked at her, realizing what she’d just said. “Shit,” she said. “Maybe _I_ need to take a break.”

“Take all the time you need,” Minnie muttered. “I’m not gonna miss you.”

Yuqi flicked her forehead. “Shut it, Minnie. We’re going to make sure you stay in holding for more than two days this time.”

Minnie laughed. “You do that, Agent Yuqi,” she said, baring her teeth. “Oh, wait, that’s right,” she sneered. “Guess you’re still Soyeon’s secretary, huh? Hasn’t she promoted you yet?”

“Shut up, you.” Yuqi dragged her off to the awaiting vehicle. “Oh – before I forget. Miyeon!” she called over her shoulder. “Drop by Boss Soyeon’s office when you get back, will you? She said she wanted to see you when you finished here.”

Miyeon groaned, dragging a hand over her face. “Of course, my favorite part of the day. Boy, I sure _love_ seeing Boss Soyeon after a tiring, life-threatening mission like this. What a thing to look forward to.”

“Hey, that ain’t up to me,” Yuqi answered. “Just see her, okay? It’s my ass if you don’t.”

Miyeon groaned again. After watching Yuqi shove Minnie back in their fancy company vehicle, she took out her fancy company phone and punched in a few numbers. Almost instantly, a sleek black sedan pulled up in front of her. But even this wasn’t something Miyeon was happy to see, and boy, she figured, if her own fancy special-made car wasn’t enough to bring a smile to her face anymore, then something must be really wrong.


	2. The Boss Called S.O.Y.E.O.N.

As much as she enjoyed complaining about the job, Miyeon had to admit the gig had its perks too. Perks, like the fancy car she had parked in their headquarters' fancy parking area. Perks, like her fancy suit collection that made her look like one hell of a fancy lady. It was hard not to fall in love with herself during moments like these. She was, after all, one fine-looking specimen with a very attractive and expensive wardrobe. The way she looked, people always mistook her for a lawyer or a drama actress – which were really not completely terrible options for a fake career. At least they still helped her maintain her cover as a secret agent while she was out on the streets.

Too bad all of it was wasted on a pest like Minnie and the uncultured basics she called her co-workers.

More than her super outstanding looks, Miyeon was also quite proud of her super outstanding scent. Was it true that secret agents only carried that sexy scent of mystery, danger, and intrigue? Miyeon sniffed herself to check, but was so far, only able to smell her favorite body wash and other naturally-pleasing odors.

“Ugh, you stink. Have you been to the bathroom yet?” Shuhua scrunched up her nose in disgust and immediately felt through her pockets for a spare can of deodorant.

Miyeon found hers and wasted no time in throwing it at her.

Because she was a secret agent with top-notch aiming skills, she ended up hitting an innocent Yuqi, who’d hurried into the meeting room right after Shuhua. Yuqi rubbed her nose and glared at Miyeon.

“Sorry.” She flashed a V-sign, hoping her good looks would be more than enough to see her through this crisis. It didn't work, and instead, only served to rile Yuqi up further, so Miyeon made up for this by going over to Shuhua and swatting her head instead.

Before Shuhua could leap out of her chair to retaliate, Yuqi perked up her ears and looked at all of them in panic. “Soyeon’s coming, I can hear her,” she announced. “Quick, everyone, look busy!” She dropped her head on the table and made loud, exaggerated snoring noises.

Before either of them could ask Yuqi what the hell she thought she was doing, Soyeon strode into the room, with all the poise and air of somebody who only needed to strut and preen to announce her vibrant presence to the world. Nobody dared mention that it would have also helped if Soyeon wore shoes with higher heels so that the world would be made aware of her stunning presence at all.

“Ah," Soyeon began, extending her arms with a flourish. “So glad my top people – Yuqi?” She stopped abruptly, her eyebrows crossing in immediate annoyance at the snoring flood of hair in front of her. “Yuqi!” she said, pounding Yuqi’s shoulders. “Hey, are you sleeping on the job again?”

Yuqi raised her head slowly to make the pounding stop. “Only ‘cause you don’t give me enough to do. Stop doing all the work yourself already!”

Soyeon socked her one more time on the shoulder before clearing her throat to start again. “Ah,” she repeated. “So glad my top people could make it to this meeting. I love all of you.”

Miyeon raised a hand. “Top people?” she said. “Excuse me, but what is _she_ doing here?”

“Oh, Shushu’s here to take notes and minutes.”

“Not her, I meant Yuqi.”

Yuqi scowled at her.

Shuhua was all smiles. “I’m a top people too,” she said to no one in particular.

“No, you’re here to take notes and minutes,” Yuqi grumbled, eager to spread the misery.

“Now, Yuqi, don’t make fun. We can’t help it that you’re the only ugly person in the room right now.”

“Shut up, Miyeon.”

Soyeon clapped her hands magnanimously and cleared her throat. When she still didn’t get everyone’s attention, she turned all the lights on in the room. “Let there be light,” she declared. “Everyone, look at me.”

“Everyone!” Shuhua agreed. “Our boss is so pretty.”

Miyeon and Yuqi raised their hands to their faces and hissed in reply, like vampires stepping out of their castles and into the world for the first time.

Now that she had their attention, Soyeon began. “Okay, let this meeting come to order. Yuqi, I’m going to need you to turn off the lights, there’s something I have to show you guys.”

Yuqi grumbled miserably on her way to the light switch, muttering several obscenities and rants under her breath, and other additional things about how her boss needed a vacation.

“Boss, if you’re just going to show us your costume designs and hairpiece proposals again, I don’t think –”

Soyeon waved the comment aside and fiddled with Yuqi’s laptop. “No, I’m going to show you Yuqi’s ugly selfies instead.” She cackled and fled from the chair when Yuqi came lunging back.

Shuhua pouted. “Aw, I wanted to see the boss’ designs.”

Miyeon huffed from her place at the table. “Suck-up.”

“Another time, Shushu. First!” Soyeon snapped her fingers, and immediately, a picture of a solemn-looking beauty was flashed on the screen behind her. “Everyone, I’m going to spare you the introductions. I’m sure you all know who this is.”

Yuqi sniggered from the darkness. “Ooh, is she your _girlfriend?_ ”

Shuhua threw a paper cup at her, not caring when she heard Miyeon yelp in surprise.

“This,” Soyeon said, ignoring them all, “is Soojin. Rival agent of this organization and just as good as I am in every way.”

Shuhua made loud noises of admiration and nearly leapt up from her seat in excitement. “She’s so pretty, boss, can she be my girlfriend?” She raised a hand to make sure everyone else in the room could see her call dibs.

“Shut up, intern, this is my assignment,” Miyeon said, also looking towards the screen with hearts in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Shushu, but she’s right, this is her assignment,” Soyeon said in a rush, before Shuhua could burst into tears. “Your big assignment, Miyeon, is to simply take her down before she plots something evil and nefarious.”

“Wow, a big assignment!” Shuhua perked up immediately, forgetting to be jealous for a moment. “This is so cool. I can totally put this on my resume!”

But Miyeon scoffed, not the least bit excited by any of this. “Evil and what now? Boss, how do you know what she’s going to do? She’s, like, too pretty to do anything evil and nefarious if you ask me.”

“Gut feeling,” Soyeon replied, waving her hands. “Look, I’m a retired agent. I’m an expert. I just have feelings about these things.”

“So why don’t you do it, then?”

“What, and leave this organization all alone? Who’d run this place in my stead?” she said. “Besides, Yuqi’s always telling me to take it easy these days.”

Yuqi nodded her head, immensely proud her boss was finally starting to listen to reason.

“Uh… are you sure about Yuqi? I think she's good enough to –"

“There’s no one!” Soyeon gasped. “No one, Miyeon, you hear me? This place would fall to _pieces_ without my expert guidance and sage wisdom to guide it! Right, Yuqi?”

“You got it, boss,” came the automatic reply.

“Exactly. So, with my expert guidance and sage wisdom – and my obvious ranking as the top woman who pays you – I’m now commanding you, Agent Miyeon, to track Soojin down and bring her here,” Soyeon declared. “There’s nothing I can do about it, you’re the only one I can put on the case right now.”

“Easy for you to say, you spend all day sitting behind a desk and not getting shot.”

Soyeon stopped her dramatics so suddenly and fixed her with a stare so severe, that anything else Miyeon had left to say died instantly. Shuhua’s gulp was heard across the room.

“Don’t let my fun-loving demeanor fool you, Miyeon. Retiring from the field is boring and tedious work. I just have to make the most of it, for your sake.”

Soyeon continued to stare.

Miyeon nodded once, guessing correctly that this was the signal Soyeon was waiting for.

Soyeon turned to the window and clasped her hands behind her. “You have to understand, Miyeon. Being the leader of this organization… It’s tough. Do you understand? It’s hard, hard work. Nobody remembers the hokage, but everyone remembers Naruto. Do you understand, Miyeon?”

Miyeon nodded again and looked down at her shoes, not quite understanding the reference, but refusing to say so out loud.

Soyeon clapped a hand on her shoulder, grinning broadly. “Which is why I should really make Yuqi do most of the work!” she said. “Right, Yuqi?”

Yuqi lifted her head from the table and gave a small whoop. “You really should,” she said, even if she knew Soyeon was lying through her teeth.

Miyeon sighed and stood up. “Whatever. A job’s a job, right?” She walked over and swiped the file off the table.

“Wait, my laptop!” Yuqi cried.

“That’s the spirit! I knew I could rely on you.”

“All I want after this, is a vacation. That’s all I’m asking for, really.”

Soyeon put a finger to her chin, considering this. “Hm. Finding a good vacation spot for you will be hard. You’ve blown up most of the islands near here, so I’m not sure if any of the locals will welcome you back.”

“Find something.” Miyeon walked off towards the door. “You can at least do that much.”

The door shut behind her with a sharp click. Soyeon spun around in her office chair four times before stopping to address her remaining employees.

“Well,” she said. “That went well. I almost can’t believe how easy it was.”

“But boss, you have to find her a good vacation spot after! Where are you going to send her? I heard Hawaii’s perfect this time of year.”

She shook her head. “No, Shushu, we were there four months ago.” She sighed. “Let’s just say Miyeon’ll never look at coconuts the same way again.”

Yuqi shuddered. “And don’t forget the limbo.”

Soyeon also shuddered at the memory. “In any case,” she said, recovering. “As everyone’s boss, I forfeit myself of this assignment Miyeon’s given me. Yuqi.” She turned to look at her. “You’re on this case.”

“What?” she sputtered. “Shuhua’s here! Make her do it! I thought you were going to start making me do more important work! So you could start _sleeping,_ you know?” She wagged her eyebrows, hoping desperately that Soyeon would take the hint.

“What have I told you about hazing the intern and making her take all your assignments?” Soyeon said, getting the hint but choosing to ignore it for her own convenience.

“It’s not that, she’s already looking at beach spots anyway.”

Shuhua looked up from her laptop and nodded.

“No, no, no,” Soyeon said. “I have a special assignment for Shushu here. Yuqi, find something.” She grinned cheekily. “That’s your job.”

Yuqi groaned, slumping down in her chair. “Whatever, boss.”

Shuhua shrugged. “Hey, as long as nobody asks me to clean the bathrooms again, I’m good.”

Soyeon whirled towards Yuqi, horrified, but was unable to stop her from dashing out the door before she could get a word out.


	3. Repeat After Yuqi

When Miyeon dropped by Yuqi’s lab, she was totally unsurprised to see that Shuhua was there also, because if there was one thing Shuhua had proven herself good at so far, it was annoying people.

“Your face is annoying!” Shuhua declared the minute the glass doors slid shut behind Miyeon.

Yuqi looked up from her microscope to look at Shuhua in awe. “Wow, you didn’t waste any time,” she marveled. “She didn’t even get a foot in before you said that!”

Shuhua preened and did a little twirl. “I call it...” and here, she paused to put a peace sign to her eyes, “... _spy instinct._ ”

Miyeon scoffed. “Oh please,” she said. “You’re just the intern. What ever spy instinct you have right now is just guesswork at best.”

“I still think your face is annoying!” Shuhua lobbed back expertly.

Yuqi shook her head and put a hand on Shuhua’s shoulder. “Shushu,” she said. “You have to know you can’t use the same insult twice. That’s like a pride thing for secret agents. They always have to say some witty thing once. So that one day, when they die and Hollywood decides to make a movie out of their life, they make that line the title.”

“Die another day!” Shuhua said to Miyeon, pointing a finger towards her in malicious glee.

“That’s more like it!” Yuqi said, nodding her head. She whipped out a small remote control from her lab coat and shoved it in Shuhua’s hands. “Here, go play with this first.”

Shuhua brought the device up to her face and lit up in joy upon reading the label. She squealed, stopped to twirl in front of Miyeon again, then sprinted off to some faraway corner of the lab to play with the item. Miyeon was still squinting after Shuhua when Yuqi came over to stand in front of her.

“You do realize that thing’s labeled ‘Mega Laser Death Ray,’ right?” Miyeon said.

“Oh yeah, I made sure to make the label extra clear this time. There’s no way Shushu would miss it.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think that’s going to stop her from playing with it anyway.”

Both girls paused to glance at Shuhua, who was still playing by herself in her corner, jamming her thumb on top of the sole button on the remote. When that didn’t work, she tried doing it again with her index finger, and so on, until she’d used up all the fingers on her right hand. When that didn’t work either, Shuhua tried to press the button again with all the fingers on her left hand.

Miyeon turned to give Yuqi a look. “I’m just saying,” she said. “Reverse psychology doesn’t work on her. Or any kind of psychology, for that matter.”

Yuqi waved a hand. “Oh, don’t worry about it, that one’s just a dummy,” she said. “The remote, I mean, not Shuhua. I really did mean for her to play with that, so she won’t play with the actual one.” She produced an even smaller remote from her other lab coat pocket and presented it to Miyeon. The label on this device read, ‘Actual Mega Laser Death Ray.’

“Yuqi!” Shuhua called, looking all kinds of disappointed and sad when no mega laser death ray shot out from her remote and collapsed the building. “I don’t think this one works.”

“Have you tried using your toes?”

The frosty silence from Shuhua’s end told Miyeon her suggestion wasn’t welcome or funny.

“Toes are worth a try, Shuhua!” Yuqi assured.

The light immediately returned to Shuhua's eyes. “Okay!” she said. She plopped down on the floor and started to take off her shoes and socks.

“Okay,” Yuqi said, turning to Miyeon with her full attention, now that Shuhua was properly distracted. “You’re here, because you want stuff.”

Miyeon grinned. “Come on, Yuqi,” she said, trying her hand at common decency and politeness. “Can’t I see you because I want to? As a friend?”

“If only Soyeon would start seeing me too, even as a friend. All you people ever want from me is work-related stuff. _High-tech_ work-related stuff, to top it all off. Being a tech guy is not the end-all and be-all of my personality!”

“Yeah, okay, okay,” Miyeon said, completely understanding where Yuqi was coming from. “But I’m still gonna need some stuff.”

“Yeah, sure, that’s what you’re all here for,” Yuqi continued to complain. “But when _I’m_ the one who asks you guys for things, like a little more shut-eye for Soyeon, suddenly it’s so hard to give it to me. Yet you all expect me to whip up something for you like magic.”

“But you _did_ whip up something for me, right?” Miyeon persisted.

Yuqi dropped her shoulders. “Yeah, whatever, so what if I did,” she said, giving up in the face of Miyeon’s innocent face. “Over here, come on.”

She led Miyeon to a large table that had several dangerous-looking items on it. They both passed by Shuhua, who was still playing by herself on the floor and not paying them any mind.

“Okay, first, the most important thing.” Yuqi picked up a cardholder and handed it to Miyeon. “A weapon. You think it’s a credit card or a calling card or whatever kind of card you want it to be. But boom!”

Miyeon only needed to run a finger along the blank card’s face to know what it was. “Blades.” She grinned. “But I thought you’d be a little more imaginative than that, to be honest. Everyone’s got something like this nowadays.”

“Yeah, I got you, don’t worry.” Yuqi now picked up a watch. “This here’s the one I’m proud of, because it’s got so many features. Not only does it tell the time, it can also translate a bunch of languages in real time, send a distress signal, track somebody, _and_ eject chopsticks when you find yourself in a wannabe noodle shop. It’s also got a lot of other hidden features, so you’ll want to watch out for those.”

“Okay, this one’s neat,” Miyeon said, now putting the watch on.

“And the best part of that watch is, it’s trendy and fancy enough to go with just about any outfit you have,” Yuqi continued to brag. “Of course, I know picky you are with your clothes, so I made sure to squeeze that in somewhere with this baby.”

“Oh my god!” Miyeon said, jumping in excitement. “Yes! I knew you were Soyeon’s favorite for a reason!”

“I thought I was Soyeon’s favorite!” Shuhua cried from her corner.

“Don’t worry, Shushu, you’ll always be my favorite,” Miyeon called back.

“Ew, not you!”

“You ungrateful brat!”

“You’re old and wrinkly and ugly!”

_“What did you say?”_

“And this one!” Yuqi said, raising her voice and holding up a pen. “This one’s a pen!”

This one was just a pen.

“This one’s just a pen, Yuqi.”

“Just a pen!” Yuqi said. “‘Just a pen,’ she says!”

“But it really _is_ just a pen.” Miyeon shook it a little to demonstrate her point. Then, she looked up hopefully. “Unless it’s supposed to do something else?”

“Well… no. It really is just a pen.” Catching the disappointed look in Miyeon’s eyes, Yuqi waved her hands to try and regain her interest. “But you never know when you’ll need one! What if you suddenly need to sign a check and you look all over your fancy-schmancy suit and find out – oh! No pen here! _If only I had a pen, just this one time._ Gee, would I love to see the look on your face then –”

“Okay, okay! I’ll take the stupid pen! Happy?”

“Oh yes, very. Now get out of my lab before Soyeon comes in and tells us all to do something disgusting, like work.”

“Miyeon is disgusting!”

“Oh please, look who’s talking!”

“Just kidding, I think you’re pretty!”

“Aw okay, so do I!”

“Just kidding!”

Yuqi grabbed her head and groaned once, long and suffering. “I knew I should have spent more time on those earplugs,” she muttered to herself. “Earplugs are nice and good. Nice for me when they’re here, good for Soyeon so she can finally rest. Why didn’t I ever think to make those stupid earplugs?”


	4. Atomic Minnie

“ _Ugh,_ why are you with me again?” Miyeon whined.

“On the job training!” Shuhua said with an extra spring in her step, taking obvious delight in annoying Miyeon. “You should have said so if you didn’t want me here!”

“I did.”

 _“You did,”_ Soyeon’s voice cackled to life in both Miyeon and Shuhua’s earpieces.

“Why don’t you people ever listen to me and let me do my job?”

 _“Aw, just let it be, Miyeon, you know how Shushu gets when she gets all cramped up in one space for too long,”_ Yuqi said, also coming in live on the earpiece.

“Yeah, exactly, I just don’t see how my stake-out would have helped.”

 _“It’s not a stake-out and you know it,”_ Soyeon said, sounding very tired, as if she’d had this argument five times today. Which did happen, coincidentally.

“It so is!” Miyeon said, protested. “I’m following our enemy without being seen, aren’t I? That totally counts as a stake-out.”

“You’re just going to some rich fancy _party,_ ” Shuhua accused. “And you didn’t even want me to come. You’re the worst.”

“This isn’t a party, this is a _mission._ ”

“I don’t care, at least I’m all dressed up now!”

“Being a secret agent is not about playing dress-up!” Miyeon didn’t even need to check to be certain that all three of her teammates were rolling their eyes at her right now. “Well, not _everything_ about being a secret agent is playing dress-up,” she amended.

But Shuhua appeared to not have heard, choosing instead to spin round and round on her barstool, apparently very interested in the way her dress shoes were very good at reflecting the expensive lighting of the bar they’d just entered. Beside her, Miyeon adjusted her tie, not really the least bit uncomfortable with her fancy James Bond-esque get-up, tight tuxedo, slacks, and all. At least Shuhua was in something much cheaper, Miyeon thought, even if to the uncultured eye, it would be nearly impossible to tell that both women were wearing differently-priced suits.

 _“Hey, my eye is not uncultured!”_ Yuqi said. _“How could anyone say that about their own tech guys, for real?”_

“Sorry, I didn’t realize I said that out loud,” Miyeon said, not sounding very sorry at all.

 _“Here she comes,”_ Soyeon said. _“Look sharp, everyone.”_

Miyeon automatically reached out an arm to lower Shuhua’s hand, which had suddenly come out from her pocket with an envelope opener. She was about to berate Shuhua for nicking another item from Soyeon’s office, but Miyeon stopped in time to fully appreciate Soojin, who was now beginning to approach them at the bar.

There was only word to describe their target and that was ethereal. It wasn’t just the killer combination of her red dress and black boots that was doing her favors; it was the way Soojin carried herself entirely, in a manner that was so sleek and subtle, that it was almost as if she was also directing the floor she was stepping on to submit to her every whim.

Miyeon took in a breath.

Shuhua took in a breath.

Yuqi took in a breath over the intercom.

Even the bartender took in a breath, before filling up a glass automatically and sliding it over to Soojin.

That Soojin even elected to sit down right beside her was something Miyeon chose to count as an extremely lucky thing, and that wasn’t only because that spared her the hard work of approaching Soojin herself. Miyeon also chose to ignore the loud huff of jealousy Shuhua released beside her. It seemed Soojin had managed to capture the senses of nearly everyone within striking distance, even if Shuhua was always so immediately enamored with any pretty woman in a dress.

“Gosh she’s so pretty,” Shuhua said under her breath.

Soojin gave them a side-eye and tipped her glass to them. Then, in a move that caught Miyeon and Shuhua off-guard, she moved a little closer to them and leaned in to whisper in Miyeon’s ear.

“I know who you are,” she whispered slowly, as if making sure Miyeon would hear every word. “I know why you’re here.” Her words sent tingles down Miyeon’s spine, but it was Shuhua who was being more obvious with her reactions.

“Oh thank god,” Miyeon said, huffing loudly to cover up for Shuhua’s blatant fangirling. “Finally, some recognition around here.”

 _“What is she doing?”_ Soyeon’s frantic voice came on her earpiece. But the voice sounded pretty faraway, so Miyeon paid this no mind.

 _“What are you doing?”_ Yuqi said, much louder this time. This wasn’t something Miyeon could really avoid, so it was this one she chose to dignify with a response.

“Winning.” Miyeon drew her gun and aimed it right at Soojin.

“When is she going to start losing?!” Shuhua said this time, so Miyeon cocked her gun and fired a warning shot into the ceiling, just to prove a point to their intern.

But Soojin remained unfazed by these recent developments and continued to drink instead, as if everything was going all according to plan.

And they were, Miyeon hated to admit, because by the time she leveled her gun towards Soojin’s face, Minnie had appeared out of nowhere and wrapped an arm around Shuhua’s neck.

“Drop the gun, sweetie, or this one’s gonna get it,” Minnie threatened, shoving a gun at Shuhua’s temple.

“Go ahead, see if I mind,” Miyeon said.

“You’re the worst!” Shuhua whined, more pissed off than terrified by the gun pointed at her head. 

_“Do as she says,”_ Yuqi said through Miyeon’s earpiece. _“Shuhua’s got a bunch of money she still owes me. Let her die now and you’ll be the one to pay for her.”_

“Oh, guess I can’t have that now, can I?” Miyeon instantly lowered her gun. But she recovered just in time to question the absurdity of the statement. “Hey, wait a minute,” she said, pressing a finger into her earpiece, as if this would help make her voice louder. “Why do I have to be the one to pay for her shit? Can’t Soyeon do that instead?”

 _“What?”_ Soyeon screeched.

“You’re our boss, learn to take some responsibility!”

 _“She already takes on enough responsibility as it is, you dummy!”_ Yuqi said. _“What kind of secret agent are you, letting the company intern die on your watch?”_

“What am I, her mom?” Miyeon huffed, but she dropped her gun and raised her hands in the air. “You’re so going to pay for this,” she said.

“I knew it, you do love me after all!” Shuhua clapped her hands, like she was still somehow unable to grasp the gravity of the situation.

“You guys make me wanna puke,” Minnie said. “And you wonder why I never spend more than a day in your holding cells.”

“Oh, shut up, Minnie.”

“That’s _Miss_ Minnie to you, Miyeon! And you can’t boss me around anymore! Only Soojin tells me what to do now!”

Soojin, who’d now made her way over to Minnie’s side to inspect their hostage, blushed a fierce shade of red, but said nothing to contradict the statement. Meanwhile, Shuhua was flushed all shades of pink, obviously thrilled to have Soojin’s attention on her. Miyeon seethed with jealousy.

“Now you’re going to let us go quietly, like a good secret agent, and leave us the hell alone forever, you understand?” Minnie said, high on the thrill of having Miyeon submit to everything she said.

“Um, no,” Miyeon said, rolling her eyes. “You have to give Shuhua back first. And then, I can go follow you and kick your ass.”

Minnie gasped, affronted and scandalized that anyone would say such a thing while she had a gun trained on their intern’s face. “Do you not care about your intern at all?” she demanded.

“Not really. I just don’t want to have to pay for her when I get back to HQ.”

“You’re the worst!” Shuhua said again.

Soojin put a hand on Minnie’s shoulder. “Please stop calling her the intern,” she said. “She has a name and we should use it. Right, Shuhua?”

Shuhua made a disgusting kind of sound that must have been a swoon, but Miyeon was too caught up in her throes of jealousy to give a shit.

“I don’t need you anymore, just let Soojin take me!” Shuhua said, all but following her captors out the bar.

“Fine! See if I care!” Miyeon said, having no other choice but to watch them exit the bar together. Right now, the money she had to pay in Shuhua’s stead didn’t bother her a bit. Instead, she was all but determined to get Shuhua back if it meant wiping that sick, smitten look off her face every time Soojin so much as gave her the attention she desperately craved.

 _“Don’t worry,”_ Soyeon said, probably meant to be soothing, but accomplishing very little in that regard. _“We’ll get her back.”_

“Oh, we will,” Miyeon said, gritting her teeth. “Trust me, we will.”


	5. To Shuhua with Love

Yuqi’s extensive research led Miyeon to an old, abandoned warehouse out by the docks. She looked around her, took in the dreary atmosphere, and nodded in approval. The place, looking like it was in dire need of a renovation, definitely had those “final showdown” vibes. Nobody was prepared to risk it all and inflict chaotic damage on a brand new, expensive-looking building after all.

She steeled herself and adjusted her necktie. She entered the building.

“Minnie!” she called, once she’d stepped inside. “Get out here and face me, I’m going to kick your ass!” She paused. “And maybe get our intern back!”

“I heard that!” Shuhua's angry, insulted voice was immediately heard from the distance. 

Miyeon pretended she hadn’t heard. Even when Shuhua was still working with them, it was uncanny how the girl possessed powerful ears that could hear just about every insult that was said about her, no matter how far away she was from the scene of the crime. Miyeon was about to issue more threats of bodily harm to her rival, when Minnie stepped out of the shadows, a smug grin lighting up her face.

“You’re so _loud!_ ” Minnie said. “And you call _me_ loud whenever I called for back-up inside your little cells.”

“What back-up, I thought we proved you were just yelling to yourself the whole time?”

“Oh my god, shut up!” Minnie said, and this was all the warning Miyeon got before she got a gun pointed at her face.

To her credit, Miyeon gave Minnie the most unbothered look, even as she put up her hands.

“What are you going to do now?” Minnie sneered.

Miyeon smirked. “What I was paid to do.”

She whipped out her cardholder with great ceremony and begun to fling some of the bladed cards towards Minnie.

But Minnie only scoffed, watching the bladed cards flop uselessly to the ground and slice up the pebbles there. “And what was that supposed to do?” she said, watching one of the bladed cards blow up and cause a mini explosion on the floor.

Miyeon was not deterred. “That’s not all!” she said, and rolled up her sleeve to reveal the grand watch Yuqi had gifted her before she rolled out. “Prepare yourself, Minnie, and watch me –”

_“Good morning! Today, we’ll be teaching you how to ask to use the bathroom! What happens if you find yourself stranded in a place that doesn’t even have a bidet?”_

Miyeon faltered. “… Watch me… uh…”

“Translate your Korean so you can find a bidet? Don’t bother, this base was made on the fly, we didn’t have the time to put that sort of stuff in,” Minnie said, with some sympathy. “It's so gross, honestly. I have some toilet paper, if you want.”

But Miyeon was no longer listening. She had half a mind to whip out the pen she’d also been given, but decided against it, knowing that this was just a pen, and so, would not be of any use. She clicked her necktie instead and let herself be put on hold to the tune of some Beethoven symphony.

She raised an eyebrow at Minnie.

Minnie shrugged back at her, but started to tap her foot impatiently.

Miyeon bit back a snarl. She knew the feeling.

A deep, rumbling sigh came from the necktie and a tired voice cackled to life. “I knew you were going to use this network to complain.”

“Shut up!” Miyeon yelled at her necktie. “Yuqi, everything you gave me is useless! What the hell am I supposed to do with this parachute?!”

She swung her wrist, seemingly at random, but a few seconds later, a parachute flew out of her multi-purpose wristwatch. Minnie snickered, watching her flop the parachute around uselessly.

“Nothing’s truly useless, Miyeon. If you were falling out of a plane right now, then that parachute’d be a big help, right?”

“Yuqi, dammit, that’s not the –”

“Then, if you were falling out of the sky, you’d be using this network to kiss my ass.”

“Look, will you just –”

“Shush, Miyeon, I’m trying to impart a valuable life lesson here.”

“Yuqi, this is not the time to be sage! Minnie’s got a gun pointed at me, please tell me you gave me some sort of secret weapon you didn’t tell me about at the briefing!”

The sigh came from the necktie again. “Fine, fine. If you still have your phone, take it out and press four.”

Miyeon glanced at Minnie. “You don’t mind, do you?”

She scoffed. “Go ahead, do what you want! As if anything can save you now.”

Miyeon shrugged and took out her phone, holding it away from her gingerly in case it was another bomb. Then, she pressed the number four very carefully and shut her eyes in anticipation. When nothing spectacular happened after ten seconds, she grabbed her necktie and hollered at it again, ignoring the manic cackling sounds Minnie was making.

“Yuqi, I swear to God, if this is another one of your –”

Just then, the wall behind her crumbled and Miyeon looked on in mute shock. Her sleek sedan burst forth from the debris, an ugly, booming noise announcing its entrance. It was only when she got his wits together that Miyeon recognized the noise as hip-hop.

“UH-OH! WHO IS THAT OVER THERE, UH-OH!”

“Soyeon?!” Minnie screeched, recognizing the voice coming from the car.

“Yuqi!” Miyeon yelled, angry that the voice was coming from her car.

The car pulled over in front of them with the smoothest slide Miyeon had ever seen. But her admiration was lost in her fury at seeing her beloved car being used for such a stunt.

“Is this the most badass thing ever or what?” Yuqi greeted, the moment the window moved down to reveal her in the driver's seat. She looked at their uncomprehending faces, put two and two together, and switched the stereo off. “Is this the most badass thing ever or what?” she repeated. She stepped out of the car, so that she might be able to properly preen and strut in front of them.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Miyeon growled, stomping over to her.

“Hey, this is the grand finale, isn’t it?” She grinned. “You can’t expect me to sit this one out.”

“No! I meant, what the hell do you think you’re doing, playing that trash in my car?!”

Yuqi gasped and drew herself to her full height – which wasn’t much, considering she was standing in front of Miyeon and Minnie. Still, she soldiered on in order to make her point. “Well, excuse your uneducated ears,” she said. “This is that _boom bap_ style of hip-hop, you know? Which is not _trash,_ by the way. Hip-hop is not trash.” She gave Miyeon a severe glare. “And Soyeon’s mixtape is _fire,_ bro, you don’t get to slander it when I’m –”

“Technically, engineers and tech guys like her shouldn’t even be anywhere near the finale.”

Everyone stopped arguing and looked towards the sedan. Soyeon smiled at them all from inside and stepped out in one fluid motion. She looked around her and reveled in everyone’s flabbergasted expressions.

“Oh yeah, baby, that’s right,” she purred. _“I’m a queen.”_

“You got that right,” Yuqi said, completely entranced.

“But as it is,” Soyeon continued without missing a beat. “I didn’t feel like driving today, so I dragged Yuqi along to make her do it for me. Right, Yuqi?”

“Right, boss,” she said automatically. But she caught herself and turned to Soyeon. “Wait. You said you _needed_ me here!”

“Yeah, for your driving.”

“But… but I can _make_ things!”

“And you drive like a bat out of hell.” Soyeon pat her distraught yes man’s cheek. “Don’t worry, Yuqi, things will be less shocking if you grow to accept your place on this earth. And yes, I _did_ get my sleep in this time, you’ll be so proud.”

Yuqi muttered something in response and pouted down at her shoes. It took an incredible amount of self-control to keep herself from lunging at Miyeon, who’d begun to stick her tongue out at her.

“Ah, Minnie,” Soyeon greeted. “So this is where you ran off to.”

She sneered. “Your cells can’t keep me for more than thirty-six hours.”

Soyeon nodded. “That’s true,” she replied cheerfully. “So how about you come work for me? Our hours are reasonable and the hazard pay’s great. Ask Yuqi!” Behind her, Yuqi was shaking her head furiously at Minnie. “Yuqi gets to sleep all the time!”

Miyeon stared, mouth agape. “Boss!” she whined. “What’s this about? You can’t be –”

“Shush, Miyeon. Let the expert retired agent handle this now."

Miyeon shut her mouth and stepped back immediately. The intensity in Soyeon’s eyes now were no joke, and she realized then, that the usual chill she got in Soyeon’s office was not always because of the aircon. She turned back to Yuqi, a million questions dancing on her tongue, but Yuqi only shook her head.

“Shuhua,” Soyeon suddenly called out to the room. “Shushu, I know you’re in there somewhere. You can come out now.”

“Over here, boss!” Shuhua jumped out from behind Minnie, a wide grin on her face. “Took you long enough!”

Minnie shrieked in horror, not expecting Shuhua to come out from behind her. Only Yuqi looked her way with some sympathy. She knew what it felt like to see Shuhua randomly materialize out of nowhere. 

“Hey, is that any way to talk to your boss?” Soyeon grumbled. “Such a disrespectful kid I raised. I didn’t bring you up this way!”

Shuhua shrugged. “I found Soojin,” she reported.

Soyeon nodded proudly. “That’s my girl!”

“What are you talking about?” Miyeon snapped. “ _I_ found her!”

“Well, if you want to get technical about it…” Yuqi said, coughing really loudly to prove a point.

“Technical nothing!” Miyeon continued to fume. But she caught the look in their tech guy’s eyes and her anger died down a little. “Well, fine, so Yuqi helped too!” She strode up to Soyeon, fully determined to get her answers now, retired agents be damned. “What is going _on,_ ” she seethed, with no little amount of desperation lacing her words.

Soyeon chuckled and shook her head. “Oh, Miyeon,” she said. “Just because you’re the only agent on my roster, doesn’t mean you’re the only qualified one.”

“What? What are you talking about?” She looked at Yuqi and Shuhua. She waved Minnie’s hopeful face aside. “What is she talking about?”

Shuhua smiled at her serenely. “I’m a top people,” she said.

“What, you think I promoted you because of your good looks?”

“Um.”

Soyeon looked her over, then blinked slowly, a sudden realization coming on to her. She put a finger to her chin and pursed her lips. “No, wait – that’s _exactly_ why I promoted you.”

“What?” Miyeon was hardly able to believe it. “What happened to ‘Minnie Expert?’”

 _“What?!”_ Minnie screeched from the side.

“Ah, yes, that. I only said that to play to your ego,” Soyeon said, waving Miyeon’s disbelief aside. “Pretty girls like us need to have our egos played to all the time. Right, Yuqi?”

“You got it, Boss Jelly.” She shrugged at a gaping Yuqi. “She’s lucky she’s my boss,” she explained. “Otherwise, I would have drop kicked her a long time ago.”

Miyeon shook her head. “But Shuhua?” she cried. “ _Shuhua’s_ the one you assigned to this mission and not me?!”

Soyeon clicked her tongue. “Now, Miyeon,” she said. “Not everything has to be about you.”

“Well, it should be!”

“Look.” Soyeon rubbed her temples. “The reason I sent Shuhua in was because you’re too pretty to go undercover. Okay?”

“What?!”

“You could have been recognized!”

“What?” It seemed Miyeon was incapable of saying anything else.

Soyeon sighed, trying to figure out the simplest and quickest way to explain herself without offending Miyeon. “What I needed,” she explained, “was a total unknown with the sort of face that doesn’t attract too much attention. Shushu was perfect for it, so she’s the one I sent undercover. Okay?”

“What?” Now, it was Shuhua who was in disbelief. 

Yuqi groaned loudly, already growing tired of the endless what and forths. “She means you’re ugly, Shushu.”

 _“What?!”_ Shuhua burst into tears.

“Shushu, no! You’re cute and Soojin here likes cute things, so I sent you! Don’t cry!”

Shuhua sobbed louder.

Yuqi began to inch away slowly, now completely unnerved by the sight of her loudest, youngest member bawling up a storm. She was so ridden with guilt, that she didn’t snap or defend himself when Soyeon and Miyeon began to stomp on her feet for making their beloved Shuhua cry so openly.

“Yuqi, you idiot! Now look at what you’ve done!”

“Can’t you do anything right?”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry!”

“Boss thinks I’m ugly _yyy_!”

One good thing about Shuhua’s loud wailing, at least, was that it immediately brought Soojin out from hiding. She emerged from the shadows in a hurry, her face a desperate mix of panic and sorrow. She, too, felt seriously unnerved by the sight and sound of Shuhua’s ugly, grief-ridden sobs.

“Soojin thinks you’re cute,” she whispered, desperate to appease her.

Shuhua’s sobs trickled down to hiccups. “You – you really think so?” She sniffed.

Soojin nodded.

Shuhua beamed. All traces of her tears had immediately evaporated from her face.

“I like you,” she declared, moving in swiftly to give her a huge hug. “You appreciate me. Not like boss and the others here.”

“What did I do?!” Miyeon said.

Minnie raised a hand. “I appreciate you too, Shushu.”

Shuhua pouted at them all, wrapping her arms tighter and tighter around a squirming Soojin, in the same manner a polar bear might hug a struggling penguin for its dinner. “You’re all so mean to me. Maybe I should join Soojin here. I’ll show you who’s ugly.”

Soyeon crossed her arms and shook her head at Yuqi. “This is all your fault,” she said, as if it wasn’t already clear enough.

Yuqi hung her head despondently. “I know, Boss. Shushu, I’m sorry. You’re cute, okay?”

Shuhua considered this. “Even cuter than Boss?” he said. Soojin had finally wriggled free of her death grip.

“Of course,” Yuqi answered without hesitation. Soyeon decided to let this slight in character go.

“Cuter than Miyeon?”

Now, Yuqi began to sweat. She realized what her answer would imply, but she gulped and plowed on ahead anyway. “Y-yes.” She quickly looked away to avoid Miyeon’s death glare.

Shuhua put a finger to his chin, clearly enjoying this. “Hm. Cuter even,” she said, “than _Yuqi?_ ”

She groaned. To steel herself for the inevitability of the situation, Yuqi summoned all of her memories with Soyeon and how she’d bossed her around for so long. In the end, she figured that she could stand to add Shuhua to her growing list of daily antagonists.

“Yes,” she finally said. “Shushu, you’re even cuter than I am, now would you please stop this and come back to our side?”

Shuhua made a happy squeak and bounded over to Miyeon, wrapping her now in another death hug.

Yuqi pouted at them. “Hey, what about me?”

“She’s sacrificed a great deal just to bring me back to the side of good,” Shuhua answered with a cheeky grin. Then, to Miyeon, she added: “That’s okay, I still think you’re really pretty.”

Miyeon blushed and released a happy sigh.

Minnie stamped her feet, annoyed at being ignored in the midst of all this melodrama. “What about me?” she asked everyone. “ _I’m_ really cute. What about me?”

“Eh, you’re okay,” Miyeon answered, waving a hand.

Realizing that this was the most she was going to get from any of them, Minnie huffed and crossed her arms in a mighty sulk. 

“Oh, Miyeon.” Soyeon sighed. “Don’t get me wrong. I love you just as much as a day with no papers –” She heard the muttered “you mean _every day,_ you lazy piece of –” from the side and kicked Yuqi’s shins before she could finish the comment. “But I absolutely _had_ to get Soojinie first.”

“Who?”

Soojin stepped forward grudgingly. Despite the set scowl on her face, she was still shuffling nervously, trying hard to blend in with the shadows. Realization dawned upon Miyeon’s face. “Oh.”

Soyeon waltzed up to Soojin and threw an arm around her waist. She turned to face Miyeon with her bottom lip jutting out. “You’re not mad, are you?”

“Actually, I’m relieved.”

“Hey!” Minnie yelled from the side. “Why doesn’t anyone ask _me_ if I’m mad?”

Shuhua gave her a long-suffering sigh. “But you’re always mad.”

“I am not!”

“Then why do you keep yelling all the time?”

Minnie backed away from her, bewildered. “Who are you?” she screeched, pointing a finger at her. “I thought you were with Soojin! Now I find out you’re working with them! _Who are you?!_ ” She fell to her knees and clutched her head in anguish, doing absolutely everything within her power to whip up a dramatic storm.

Despite everything, Shuhua still felt something akin to pity well up in her, prompting her to pat Minnie’s shoulder sympathetically. “There, there,” she said.

“But…” Miyeon still wasn’t finished with Soyeon. “But I thought they had an evil, nefarious plan!” she wailed, now beginning to feel the consequences of everyone’s collective common sense leaving the room. “You’d be crazy not to do something after hearing that!”

“And you’d be crazy to think that their plan would have actually worked.”

Minnie gasped, insulted. “Hey!”

“Now technically, Soojin here didn’t even say anything. And Minnie is already a lunatic, so I doubt anyone will believe her anyway.”

“Hey!”

“But if they’ll be good and come work with me, then the secret stays a secret.” Soyeon beamed and poked a finger into Soojin’s side. “What do you say, Soojin? You game for another collaboration?”

“Collaboration?” Miyeon repeated. She saw Yuqi shaking her head at him. “Am I the only one here who doesn’t know everyone else’s backstory?!”

Minnie raised a hand. “I don’t.”

Shuhua did the same. “Me too.”

Yuqi almost raised hers, but put her hand down halfway. “Wait, I think I read all about this in the boss’ records.”

“What?” Soyeon screeched. “What else have you seen in there, you… you voyeur!”

Shuhua whistled. “Big words, boss. I didn’t think you had it in you.”

Yuqi laughed. Soyeon raised a fist at her and a parachute shot out from her wrist, instantly smacking Yuqi's face.

Miyeon laughed.

Soojin nudged Soyeon’s forehead with a finger and shook her head.

Soyeon frowned at her. “Did you not hear what I said about the hours and hazard pay?”

Soojin shrugged.

Soyeon sighed. “Okay, what’ll it take for you to come with me this time?”

Soojin blinked slowly at her and raised her gaze, scanning everyone’s faces in the room. She settled on Shuhua and pointed at her purposefully. Shuhua fidgeted nervously in her place.

Soyeon laughed. “Oh, you want Shushu to come with us?” she said. “That’s okay, Soojin, she’s been with us from the start. She pretended to join you and earn your trust, so she could betray you later on!” She made heart eyes at Shuhua. “Isn’t she talented? I should know, I trained her.”

Yuqi rolled her eyes. “I did too, you selfish –”

“Shut up, Yuqi, Soojin doesn’t want to listen to you right now.”

“Fine.”

“What about me?” Minnie said, making pleading eyes at Soojin. “I helped you too, didn’t I?” She turned to Soyeon, flashing her the same pleading look. “I changed my mind, I’m joining you too. Please? I’m very good with computers.”

“What would I need you for?” Soyeon said. “I already have Yuqi to do everything for me.”

“No, let her join!” Yuqi butted in desperately. She waved his arms at Soyeon. “She’s got to join us, okay?”

“It’s not up to me,” Soyeon replied. She nudged Soojin. “What do you say?”

Soojin looked between her and Minnie, who’d gotten down on her knees again and was now clasping her hands in fervent prayer. Soojin glanced meaningfully at Shuhua behind her, waiting.

Shuhua looked at Minnie, felt the same wave of pity well up in her again, and shrugged. “Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt,” she said. Minnie grabbed Shuhua’s knees tightly in thanks, already beginning to sing her praises. “You’ll have to behave, though.”

“I will, I will! I’ll even sing for you, if you want!”

“I don’t think –”

But Minnie had already begun to sing, warbling some old, cheesy song nobody knew the lyrics to anymore.

Satisfied, Soojin looked back at Soyeon. “Okay,” she said.

“Great!” She gave Miyeon an enthusiastic thumbs-up. “See, what’d I tell you? Leave it all to Soyeon, and she’ll get the job done!”

“Leave it all to Yuqi, more like.” Yuqi scoffed from the side.

Miyeon dragged a hand over her face, no longer feeling very patient and tolerating of her boss’ antics. “That’s awesome, Soyeon. Really. Couldn’t ask for a better boss.”

“Aww, I love you too, Miyeon!”


	6. Mr. & Mrs. Soojin

“I still can’t believe how well she planned all that out,” Miyeon said. “Honestly. I guess all those sleepless nights really do pay off.”

“What?” Yuqi gasped, offended. “No, that’s not it at all! She definitely needs to sleep, if you ask me. I mean, she’s really the best boss we could ever hope for, but that’s the reason why she’s so short, it’s because she’s _not sleeping._ ”

Soyeon gave an apologetic grin, having sensed the totally-unsubtle glare Yuqi had thrown her way. “Love you too, Woogi!” She flung some sand towards Yuqi’s face as retaliation for that crack she’d made about her height.

But Yuqi was grinning back at Soyeon, thrilled with this unexpected declaration of love.

“A- _ha!_ ” Minnie crowed, suddenly materializing behind them. She pouted when neither of them spilled their drinks in shock. “I guess I’m losing my touch,” she sulked.

Then, Shuhua walked past them and spilled her drinks in shock when she saw Minnie. “How are you still _here?_ ” she demanded.

Minnie, rejuvenated by the proof that she hadn’t lost anything after all, preened and posed in front of them all. “I can’t help that I’m too beautiful to pass up,” she said.

“She wouldn’t stop crying when we kept giving her no for an answer,” Yuqi said helpfully.

Minnie gasped, shocked at the accusation. “ _Soojin_ said I was okay to come along for your…” She sniffed. “Your little… _company outing._ ”

But Shuhua had stopped listening and had, instead, begun to squint her eyes to pierce the distance, hoping to spot her beloved Soojin in the pool in front of them, or elsewhere. She screamed when she spotted Soojin come out of the pool to sit right beside Miyeon.

Soojin, startled by the scream, leapt up from the sand as if she’d burned and went to sit with Minnie on the opposite end, instead. This placated Shuhua, although she still made a small noise of sadness at the sight. She rectified this by launching herself directly into Soojin’s lap.

“Isn’t this fun?” Soyeon said loudly to distract them all, when it looked like both Miyeon and Minnie were about to scream something back at Shuhua. She wasn’t even sure why Minnie had wanted to scream at their youngest as well. Maybe she just liked screaming that much. “The whole team, out here in this fancy resort that I, Soyeon, your Jelly leader, paid for with her own cold cash.”

“Oh, what a great boss she is,” Yuqi replied instantly.

“Just like Miyeon said she always wanted,” Soyeon continued. “Isn’t that right?”

Miyeon groaned, momentary beef with Shuhua forgotten. “Boss, when I asked for a vacation, I meant a solo trip, as in _me._ By myself.” She made sure to emphasize her words when it looked like the message hadn’t gone through to Soyeon. _“Alone.”_

“What are you talking about?” Soyeon said. “Don’t be selfish now. We’ve all been in need of a break here.”

“Not me.”

“Hey, no party-pooper allowed on Soyeon’s vacation!” Yuqi flung some sand towards Minnie’s face.

“Ow!” said Shuhua, who had been sitting next to Minnie, and so, took the brunt of Yuqi’s attack. She dug her hands right into the sand to fling two handfuls of sand right back at Yuqi, but in her mad dash to exact her revenge, she’d ended up toppling all over Soojin, who had still been trying to balance her in her lap.

“Ooh, _Jinjin._ ” Shuhua giggled when they’d both ended on the ground together. “You’re moving _way_ too fast for me.”

This time, Miyeon really did scream.

Minnie started to scream as well, then took it a level higher by harmonizing with Miyeon.

Yuqi, not wanting to be excluded from the fun, screamed just for the hell of it.

Soyeon gazed into the faraway distance, wondering if it was still too late to row a boat to some deserted island and stay there forever. But then, she realized with a chill, how would she watch all the anime episodes she had left on her backlog?

“I think,” Shuhua said, the smile on her face too big to be anything but comforting. “I think I finally know what it’s like to be in love.”

She was still looking at Soojin.

Soojin whined and effortlessly rolled Shuhua off her.

To Soojin’s horror, the lovesick gaze Shuhua still held in her eyes hadn’t diminished a bit.

“Oh my god,” Soyeon whined. “This was not how we raised you.” She repeated this statement over and over again with varying levels of pitying wails, but it was all lost amidst Yuqi’s loud cooing of how she proud she was of Shuhua for finally growing up, and Miyeon’s even louder cries of how Soojin was supposed to be hers and hers only.

This all resulted in a demented cacophony of incomprehensible warbling and Soojin, who had been so embarrassed to hear her name passed back and forth so reverently between two females, reddened instantly.

Minnie continued to warble right alongside them, and if the situation wasn’t so alarming, then Soyeon would have marveled at the way Minnie was able to harmonize her cries with the others’.

But all this senseless singing needed to stop.

Soojin looked nearly ready to explode on the spot at all the unwanted attention, and random explosions were not what Soyeon had recruited Soojin for at all.

“Everyone!” Soyeon announced.

Everyone was still screaming.

At least this had been a private rental, Soyeon thought to herself in relief. With the entire resort rented out to just them, they wouldn’t need to worry about disturbing anyone. But that didn’t mean Soojin still wouldn’t explode if she didn’t do anything to shut them all up.

“Ack, that’s it, I’m tired,” Yuqi said suddenly. “Y’all, shut up, I think Soyeon’s got something to say.”

Everybody shut up.

Soyeon gaped at Yuqi in wonder.

“See, this is why you should start giving me more work to do.” Yuqi shrugged. 

“You can give her my share of the work,” Minnie said.

“Mine too,” Shuhua agreed. She exchanged a high-five with Minnie.

“I would still like to resign, by the way,” Miyeon said.

“Yes! Go do that!” Minnie and Shuhua said together.

“Oh, please don’t,” Soojin said, looking at Miyeon with a pleading expression.

“Never mind,” Miyeon said quickly.

“Anyway!” Soyeon leaped to her feet to grab their attention. “Would you guys like to decide on our name now?”

This prompted a series of excited whispers and murmuring among the members.

Soojin raised a hand. “Didn’t you already have a name before this?”

“We did,” Soyeon admitted. “But I’ve been told I was the only one who liked being called a Strawhat.”

“Go home, you geek!” Yuqi heckled.

Soyeon kicked her foot lamely. “Anyway, I want something that’s just for us,” she continued. “Especially now that we have two new members.”

Shuhua blew obnoxious kisses to Soojin.

Soojin blushed.

Miyeon blew obnoxious kisses to Shuhua to see how she’d react.

Shuhua started swatting her hands all around her, trying to slice the air so desperately, as if Miyeon had blown a hundred mosquitoes her way.

“I want us to be called Yuqi and Friends.”

“Shut up, Yuqi. Let’s do Minnie and the Mice instead."

"Shut up, both of you," Miyeon said. 

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Soyeon said. “I already came up with something. Here.” She finished her work with a flourish.

Yuqi wasn’t impressed. “Then what was the point of asking our opinions?”

“Oh, I just wanted you all to stop screaming.” Soyeon put up her whiteboard – which she’d drawn from her bag of endless trinkets and gimmicks – to show everyone what she came up with.

“(G)I-DLE?” Soojin read it out slowly.

“I suppose the G is for me, because I’m super gangster,” Miyeon said.

“I don’t think that’s it,” Yuqi said.

“The G is silent,” Soyeon explained.

“So you should _be quiet!_ ” Shuhua ran over to Miyeon to yell directly into her ear.

“Oh, like the G in sandwiches!”

Minnie squinted at the whiteboard, then turned to Yuqi. “What G in sandwiches?”

_“Exactly.”_

“Don’t mind her, she’s just hungry,” Soyeon explained.

“Oh, but anyway, I think I like G for Gangster,” Minnie said, no longer caring what was coming out of her mouth, and wanting only to keep the conversation going.

Yuqi didn’t share their excitement. “I still don’t think that’s it, but okay,” she said.

“It’s G for Girl,” Soyeon said to anyone who would still care to listen. “And the I-DLE is meant to show our cohesiveness as a group, even if we are all our own persons with distinct personalities.”

"How many times did you have to practice that by yourself so it'd come out that way?" Minnie said. 

"But why's it spelled all funny?" Shuhua asked. 

Miyeon tilted her head, as if it would help her read what was on the whiteboard better. "Maybe you have to know English to know."

Yuqi clapped her hands, already in love with it. “Anyway, that’s great, boss,” she praised. “I think it’s your best work yet.”

Soyeon took a bow in front of them all.

Yuqi booed her out of embarrassment. 

“I actually kind of like it,” Soojin said, softly and under her breath, as if afraid of being heard.

But Shuhua, whose ears were already so attuned to the soft and ethereal timbre of Soojin’s voice, heard her immediately and promptly socked Yuqi for daring to diss her new favorite person’s new favorite thing. Then, she ran over to Soojin to smother her in her love again.

It didn’t take long for Miyeon to follow suit, launching herself on top of them both.

Minnie did the same thing too, but only because she’d been wanting to hit Miyeon for a while now.

Yuqi jumped in, just for the hell of it.

Soyeon looked at them all with an adoring sort of smile on her face, then ran towards them to complete the dogpile.


End file.
